Boundary-Setting Phrases (What do you want to happen?)
Back off. I’m not interested. I don’t want to talk to you. Go away. That’s not happening. I don’t appreciate that. Move back. I can’t talk right now. I don’t want to have this conversation. I don’t answer personal questions. Leave us alone. That’s offensive to me. Leave her alone. No. Move. That’s uncomfortable for me. I don’t know you. That comment is inappropriate. I don’t like that. Take your hands off me. I don’t like those kinds of jokes. Stop calling me that. You need to leave now. Knock before you come in. That’s inappropriate. Wait. Don’t come any closer. Stop bothering me. Leave me alone. Step back. Don’t do that. Cut it out. I don’t want to. Stop. I want you to leave That wasn’t the plan. That’s not right. I didn’t agree to that. Stop talking. I don’t like what you are doing. Absolutely not. I need more space. Quit harassing me. You’re too close. I don’t want to talk to you. That’s disrespectful. I’m not comfortable with that. That’s offensive. Stop touching me. You’re standing too close. That’s not okay. I don’t find that funny. Boundary-setting skills, includes: "Seeing" danger Being open to positive outcomes Recognizing and establishing safe distance Projecting confidence Reading body language Power of the voice and ability to vary volume and still be effective Setting and maintaining boundaries Consistency between body language, voice, and content Assertiveness (and its distinction from both aggression and passiveness) De-escalation Confrontation Controlling one's own emotions (e.g. breathing, "Take 10," or other methods) Speaking up against violence even if you are not the target Teachers modeling effective boundary setting/assertive skills--setting clear expectations, giving supportive and effective feedback Opportunities to practice boundary setting skills in the group, with partners, or with an instructor Emphasis on the purpose: getting to safety (i.e. not beating someone up) Acknowledge escape, "hit and run," and choosing to survive as viable options Clarify that physical tools are tools of last resort Compliance and/or cooperation does not equal consent.